Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Staying Together for the Sake of the Children | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
If parents decide not to get a divorce because of the children, is this better or worse for the children?— Katie | | | ANSWER |
October 26, 2000 | | | Dear Katie,
It is very positive when parents who are considering divorce can agree to focus on the emotional needs of their children. As a first step, I advise these parents to work hard, both individually and together, to repair the damage to their relationship.
This effort might involve meeting individually and as a couple with a marriage counselor or a skilled social worker, member of the clergy, or other professional. If they succeed, they will be happier, and their children will be spared the stress of going through a divorce. Moreover, the children will have learned a valuable lesson about commitment and the ability of people to turn a bad situation around.
When a broken marriage cannot be fixed, then I think it is best for the parents to separate. Children are very good at sensing the emotions of their parents. They know a lie when they see it. Parents living under the same roof, but not together, cannot provide a model for the sort of loving relationship that we would like our children to enjoy.
Although divorce is never easy, many children come through just fine. The fear that divorce automatically results in emotional ruin for the children is not based in fact.
In the course of the separation, parents certainly should continue to keep the emotional needs of their children in mind. There are some specific things that are important to help children weather divorce with a minimum of emotional trauma. Our site has several articles on this topic, which you can read by looking in the Families & Issues section. — by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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