Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Seven-Year-Old Wearing Mother's Stockings | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My seven-year-old son recently began "stealing" my stockings and has been wearing them under his clothes. He also has started painting his fingernails with crayons? When confronted he is totally embarrassed and promises to never steal mom's things again, but then he will do it again the very same day. He has never shown any interest in these types of activities in the past. What do you suggest? My husband is horrified, and I'm not sure how to handle this situation.— Worried about Him | | | ANSWER |
March 8, 2001 | | | Dear Worried about Him,
I can't tell you why your son is doing what he is doing. Instead, let me give you some reasons why I think you should get help from a professional:
While it's very common (and not at all concerning) for preschool-age boys to make believe that they are mommies or to take on other feminine roles in play, by age seven most boys have given up cross-gender play.
If you have asked your son why he is dressing up in Mommy's things, he probably has not been able to give you a sensible answer. Young children almost never have the insight or vocabulary to explain their behaviors. If you are confused by your child's behavior, you can be sure that he is, too!
What makes your son's behavior concerning is not that it differs from other boys but rather that he feels ashamed about it and still repeats it in a guilty and secretive way. Also, you and your husband are obviously upset and confused, and your son surely senses that.
So there are really two issues here: your child's behavior itself and the emotional responses to that behavior (chiefly, fear, shame, and guilt). An excess of these feelings can damage a child emotionally just as exposure to environmental toxins can damage him physically. Over time the damage gets worse and worse. The sooner the toxic emotions can be dealt with the better for everyone.
The professional you consult could be a child psychologist, psychiatrist, behavioral pediatrician, social worker, or other competent professional. Depending on the underlying causes, the professional might or might not be able to "fix" your son's problem. Regardless you should expect the professional to help reduce the confusion, fear, and shame you are all feeling. That is the main reason to go for professional help. A good first step is to talk with your child's doctor or nurse practitioner.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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