Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Twins Find It Hard to Say Goodbye to Mom | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
Hi. I am a mother of twin babies, one girl and one boy. They are very active and playful two-year-olds, so I started them at a preschool, where they would learn better things and play with other kids. But they are very reluctant to go to school. They both cling to me and do not allow me to leave the room. The teacher told me to wait, but now it's been four days and they still keep crying if I leave the class. Please help me--what should I do?— Mamtamama in Dubai | | | ANSWER |
October 23, 2000 | | | Dear Mamtamama,
Some two-year-olds are comfortable leaving their mothers when they are in a new place, but many are not. I think the teacher is right to suggest being patient and hopeful, and don't be surprised if it takes a week or longer before your twins feel at home in their new preschool. If this is their first time being away from you for any length of time, they'll probably take a little longer to adjust.
Here are some things you can do.
Help your children get used to your saying goodbye. Find a sitter. Any kind, responsible adult will do (for example, your mom, your aunt, or your friend.). Tell the children you are going out and leaving them with the sitter. Cheerfully say bye, and leave for 10-15 minutes. Do this daily if you can, gradually stretching out the time. Each time remind your babies, "I sometimes go away, but I always come back to you!"
When it's time to leave them at preschool, wait quietly near where some other children are playing. That way, your twins can see other children having a good time, while staying safely next to you. It'll be easier for them to leave you to go off to have fun, than to be left alone in a room with nothing to do.
The teacher can help by coming over to greet you at preschool and getting to know your children on a one-to-one (well, in this case, a two-to-one) basis. After the children have had pleasant interactions with her for a few days, they'll feel easier about separating from you. Don't push the separation too fast. If you do, it will just take longer for your children to feel secure about leaving your side.
When you leave, be sure to say goodbye cheerfully. Let your confident smile reassure them that everything will be fine. Be sure to tell them you're coming back, and don't stay away too long at first. Some parents who are having a hard time leaving their children in daycare try to sneak away. That's a mistake. Once the children find out they've been left they become very upset. After that, they are careful never to let their moms out of their sights, to make sure that they don't disappear again!— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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