Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Nine-Year-Old Hates Team Sports | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My son is nine-years-old and will not play any team sports unless he is forced. He has poor coordination. He has been involved in Karate now for almost three years and has made good progress. He will tell you he hates it. In the summer he swims, rides his bike, and rollerblades. I am very worried at this point in time because he claims he has no friends because they all do sports and he's not interested. When I ask him to participate he just refuses and gets upset. He says he just hates it. The lunchtime activities at his school seem to be mainly sports with the exception of one overbooked chess club that we are desperately waiting for. What can we do to help him? Thank you.— Mar815 in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada | | | ANSWER |
February 6, 2002 | | | Dear Mar815,
For children whose hand-eye coordination is below average, team sports can be very unpleasant. Not only do the children have the uncomfortable feeling of not performing well, but they also are aware that they are letting their teammates down. They get heckled and teased. Their self-esteem takes a pounding. I also have known children who do well enough at team sports but still hate them because they don't like competing. The idea of trying to beat someone makes them uncomfortable. All of these feelings are completely understandable. There is nothing wrong with a nine-year-old who decides that team sports are not for him.
Unfortunately, in some schools, sports may be one of the few ways boys can win acceptance and status among their peers. A child who doesn't like sports can be left out in the cold--a very lonely and sad place to be! I'm concerned when you say that your son has no friends. If that is truly the case, then he may well need help. A nine-year-old who does not have even one good friend is a child who could be at risk for becoming depressed, particularly if he is at the bottom of the social pecking order at school. It would be important to find out if your son is regularly being teased or excluded by the other boys. His teacher might have some insight (particularly if she knows to watch for such behavior), or your son might be able to tell you.
It is not easy for a parent to intervene in the social world of school-age children. But there are some things you can do. You may be able to find other activities that your son can shine in. Is there a children's drama group that he could joing? Stamp collecting? Music? Art classes? A club at your church, synagogue, or mosque? Help your son find activities he really enjoys, and he may well make friends with other children who share the same interests.
If the chess team has a waiting list, perhaps that is because there are many children in the school who want to do something other than team sports. Why not talk with the principal or the PTA about expanding the chess team or starting some other clubs, so that all of the children can have meaningful activities and groups to be part of?— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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