Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Giving an Aunt the Silent Treatment | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
Why would a 3-1/2-year-old child who was very open and friendly towards her aunt suddenly stop talking to just her, yet still remain friendly and loving? The aunt was away for four months and this treatment started upon her return. It has been going on for one month now. Help!— Confused Aunt Val in Hamburg, PA | | | ANSWER |
October 20, 2000 | | | Dear Confused Aunt Val,
Because I don't know the particulars of the relationship between you and your niece, I can only answer in general terms. Young children normally form strong attachments to one or a few adults. They rely on these adults to give them a feeling of safety, and to take care of their emotional and physical needs. When they are separated from their attachment figures (such as a beloved aunt), young children often experience a high level of psychological stress. A separation of a month, which feels quite short to an adult, can feel like an eternity to a young child.
Children respond to separations from their loved ones in different ways. Some become withdrawn, others act angry, and some alternate between the two emotions. These responses seem to be ways that the child protects herself against the psychological stress of separation, which would otherwise be unbearable.
I suspect that this might be what's going on between you and your niece. Give her time to get used to having you around again, and try talking to her in simple terms about your absence--how you had to go away for a while, how much you missed her, how you'll always come back, and so on. It may take a long time for your niece to trust that you won't disappear "forever" again. But when you do regain her confidence, she will be ready to start talking and playing with you once more.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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