Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Dealing with Fear of Differences | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
Our kindergartener is terrified of a severely disabled boy who has been attending her class and is outside at recess. She clings onto the nearest adult at the sight of him. How do I help her overcome this fear? She does not want to go to school on the days she knows he will be present. She has never had this type of reaction to disabled people before and has been doing extremely well in school since beginning at age three in a preschool program.— Worried Mom in Lake Mills, WI | | | ANSWER |
October 17, 2000 | | | Dear Worried Mom,
At ages four and five, it's common for children to be afraid of the unknown. Because their understanding of the world is limited, their powerful imaginations are free to fill in the blanks, so to speak, with frightening details.
Sometimes the fuel for these fears is an actual event (for example, a threatening dog). Sometimes it is something they have heard or seen (such as a frightening movie that gives rise to nighttime fears). And sometimes emotions can be transformed into fears of outside threats (for example, a child's anger at a younger sibling could give rise to a scary monster).
Any of these factors could be at play in the situation with your daughter. A brief assessment by a trained child-guidance professional might help you to sort out these possibilities and intervene quickly.
As a general principle, it's a good idea to not let a child avoid school because of fears. The more the child avoids going to school, the more scary the school (or something at the school) appears. It can quickly become a vicious circle. Firm adult insistence is called for ("Children have to go to school. Period."), along with reassurance ("I know that the school is safe. Your teacher and I make sure that you are always safe at school.").
You might also want to check out a few books from the library that deal with children with differences--in appearance, culture, and abilities. Read them with your daughter first without drawing the direct connection to the child at school. She may well make the connection herself, and decide that different does not have to mean frightening.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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