Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
"Sick" Kindergartener May Be Worried About School | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My son is a kindergartener at a new school. He seems to be doing pretty well, but just this morning he said that he didn't want to go to school because he was feeling sick. How do I handle this?— School Mom | | | ANSWER |
October 16, 2000 | | | Dear School Mom,
There are lots of reasons a kindergartener might say he was feeling sick before school -- in addition to actually being ill!
He might be anxious about something at school. Sometimes the tension stems from relationships with other students. It's not always an obvious matter, such as getting picked on or teased, but rather something like anxiousness about being accepted by another child or a peer group. Tension also can arise from his relationship with his teacher. Perhaps there's a misunderstanding or a personality clash, or he might be afraid to disappoint a teacher he really admires.
Also, consider the situation at home. Is there any reason your son might want especially to stay home? Sometimes young children think that going to school means losing a special relationship with their at-home parent. They might think, Mom'll be lonely if I'm not there to keep her company. In some cases, their perception is backed up by subtle (or not so subtle) messages from parents.
So how do you sort out all of these possibilities? First, think about the messages you're sending your son. Let him know that he still gets to do fun, special things with you after school and on weekends. Second, find a private time to talk with your son's teacher. Ask her if she's noticed any tense social situations or changes in your son's behavior. If so, she might be able to intervene on your son's behalf. For example, if your son is feeling left out, she might have a talk with a kind, popular child, asking him to include your son in some activities to help break the ice socially. An experienced kindergarten teacher will have handled this situation many, many times and probably will have some suggestions of her own to offer.
Whatever the cause of your child's discomfort, it's important that you get him off to school each morning unless he's actually ill. What starts as one day of missing school because of feeling "sick" easily can grow to days, then weeks, if the "sickness" allows a child to avoid a tough issue. It's much better to adopt a confident attitude ("I'm sure you'll feel better") and simply state the facts ("kids have to go to school"). If the problem persists despite your efforts, be sure to talk with your son's pediatrician. Sometimes a child needs a little reassurance from a doctor to feel more comfortable about going to school.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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