Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Child Having Extremely Violent Nightmares | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My eight-year-old son has night terrors, plus he also has severe nightmares. During the nightmares he often dreams of his dad and mom dying in different ways. When he is awake he has a bad anger problem. Sometimes I think he can't control it. He has acted like he was going to hit us with something, but so far he has never actually gone through with it. One morning he told me "Mom, I had a good dream last night." I asked him about it, and he told me that the devil kept chasing him all night, but that he finally killed him by shooting him through the heart. Can you please give me some information on what might be going on and if you think I should have him evaluated by someone?— Queeney in Lafollette | | | ANSWER |
February 6, 2002 | | | Dear Queeney,
There are a few things in your letter that make me think that you son does need to be evaluated by a child mental health professional--either a child psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or behavioral pediatrician. While every child has nightmares from time to time, severe and frequent nightmares are a sign that there is something really bothering your child. Night terrors are normal in preschool-age children, but most children grow out of them before age eight. So the fact that your child is still having night terrors might be another sign that he is feeling psychological strain.
It sounds from your description as though your son is loving, and that you love him very much. He tries to control his angry feelings, but can't always manage to do so. His imagination is full of violent and scary thoughts (shooting the devil through the heart; his mom and dad dying.) At only eight years old, he's not able to handle these frightening feelings all by himself. As a parent, you can give him love and support, but you don't have the training to help him work through his angry and scared feelings. That is why it's important to get help from a professional.
I cannot tell you what is going on that is triggering these feelings in your son. But I'm pretty sure that viewing violence of any kind--on TV, in the movies, on the nightly news, or in his own home--will make these problems worse. I often suggest a "no violence" diet for children who, like your son, are already filled up to the brim with violent and scary thoughts. Instead, find peaceful stories to read aloud, fun music (staying away from violent lyrics), and pleasant activities together.
It's also important that you show him that you love him -- through words, hugs, and spending time together -- even though some of his behavior is troubling or unacceptable. Let him know that you understand how difficult it is for him to deal with all those scary and angry feelings. You have faith that, in time, he'll be able to be in control of his feelings. And, even though you don't always approve of what he does you always love him for who he is.
Doing these things will give your son important support, while he works on getting control of his emotions with the help of a counselor or other professional.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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