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 Ask Dr. Jana
Hard to Say Goodbye | | | QUESTION | | | | My 15-month-old son has suddenly become extremely clingy. He hangs on my legs if I'm standing, wants to sit in my lap when I'm sitting, and completely falls apart when I try to leave the room or leave him with a sitter. Is this normal development for his age? — Tammy | | | ANSWER |
October 10, 2000 | | | Dear Tammy,
Rest assured that you are not alone. Being reluctant to leave mommy is a very common and developmentally normal behavior for a 15-month-old.
Believe it or not, his clinging and "falling apart" are actually steps on the road to independence. Your son is sensing that there's a big world out there, and it makes him anxious. Right now, he is relying heavily on the sense of security you offer him--once he's certain that your safety net always will be there to catch him, he'll be ready to explore more on his own.
You can help him by understanding his need for reassurance and by gradually helping him to adjust to new surroundings, people, and experiences. Try to give him some warning before you leave the room or the house, let him know when you'll be coming back, and spend some time with him and the sitter before leaving him in her care.
You also might want to ask your sitter how your son reacts after you leave. Many kids put on quite a dramatic show for their parents, but the minute the guilt-stricken moms and dads depart, the children calm down quickly and are quite content. Knowing that your child will soon be his old happy self again might make it easier to offer the loving-but-firm farewell that will help your child take an important developmental step towards independence.
— by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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