Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
To work or not to work? | | | QUESTION | | | | Stay-at-home mom vs. work-outside-the-home mom. Which is more positive for a child and why? What are the long-term effects? — Conflicted Parent | | | ANSWER |
October 10, 2000 | | | Dear Conflicted Mother:
I'll give a short answer to this question, because this is a big topic that we will deal with in greater depth on the site. Here are some common-sense ideas in keeping with the research in this area that I hope will be of some help to you:
Carefully evaluate your own situation. There is no one answer that is right for all children, parents, and families. Many children do well with stay-at-home moms, and many do well with moms who work full time outside the home. With respect to daycare, the general consensus among experts is that the critical question is quality. Most children can do well in high-quality daycare; but few thrive in poor-quality care.
Be flexible and imaginative. This isn't a black-and-white decision. There are many shades of gray concerning the days and/or hours a parent works and the variety of daycare arrangements that can be made. Part-time work may be an option, for example, or perhaps the child can stay with a grandparent for a few days a week instead of always going to a daycare center. Maybe the father and mother can split the stay-at-home duties, or perhaps it's possible for one parent to freelance from home.
Look at the big picture. It's not just a question of "job/no job" for the mother. It makes sense to think about everybody's needs and abilities. How happy or unhappy will you be to put your career on hold for a year or longer? If it feels like a big sacrifice that you'll make dutifully but reluctantly, forsaking your career isn't necessarily what's best for the family in the long run. Does it make more sense for the father to stay at home for a while? What exactly is the daycare picture in your community? Is high-quality childcare readily available, and can you afford it?
Of course, knowing that there are options doesn't make choosing any easier. In the end, you will need to listen to what your instincts tell you is best. And, perhaps most important, you will have to pay close attention to your child's responses, and your own. Sometimes it takes trying out a few different arrangements to find the one that works well for every member of the family.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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