Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Inappropriate Sexual Behavior | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My eight-year-old is showing interest in sexual behavior such as touching and showing his penis to his sister. Also, he likes to watch cable movies with nudity and goes on the Internet to dirty Web pages. We have blocked all explicit material when we found out what was happening. What else should we do? And is his behavior normal?— Unsure Mom | | | ANSWER |
October 9, 2000 | | | Dear Unsure Mom,
Many eight-year-olds boys find sex intriguing. Usually they show their interest by teasing other boys about liking girls, or teasing the girls directly. Sometimes boys who have been exposed to adult sexual images become overly interested, to the point that thoughts about sex get in the way of their other activities. For some, exposure to adult sex awakens anxious feelings. Others act out their sexual thoughts in ways that get them into trouble.
Without actually talking with your son, I can't know what he's really thinking about sex. While it's normal for preschool-aged siblings to engage in some sort of sexual show-and-tell with each other, by age eight those behaviors are much less common. Also, your son's behavior has broken the cultural taboo against sexual behaviors between siblings. This could open up him and his sister to feelings of shame that could have negative psychological effects for a long time.
You've done the right thing in taking away his access to adult material on the Internet and TV. When you talk to your son about this, try to be firm and matter of fact, and don't get angry. What he did was unacceptable, but it wasn't terrible or evil. Similarly, a simple explanation to your daughter is in order, something along the lines of: "Boys and girls are not supposed to show each other their private parts, because they're private." You also might reassure her that she did nothing wrong so she doesn't feel shame about these incidents.
If your son continues to seek out sexual images or act out in inappropriate ways, these are signs that he might need professional help to deal with his thoughts and feelings. Also, if your daughter displays an unusual interest in sex or you notice any other disturbing behavioral changes, professional help might also be a good idea for her.
There is one other possibility to consider: Children who have been sexually abused often express their confusion by acting in overly sexualized ways. This is not to say that sexualized behavior is a sure sign that there has been abuse. There are other reasons, as I've said above. But it makes sense to ask yourself if you have any other reason to suspect sexual abuse. If you do, you need to discuss your concerns with a professional.
Your own sense of comfort may be your best guide here. If you have any doubt, I'd suggest that you err on the side of caution and seek help. A good first step would be to talk with your child's doctor, or with a pediatric mental-health professional. If there truly is a problem, you want to know about it, and get started with treatment sooner rather than later.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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