Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Grandchild Suffering from Abuse | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
We are grandparents of a three-year-old. Due to an extremely violent home environment and lack of medical attention, we are trying to decide how best to provide for this child. Among other things, we feel the parents (boyfriend/girlfriend) use this child as a bargaining chip. Then last weekend he was brought to our home with visible facial bruising because he was trying to fix himself something to eat while his parents slept! This was the first time they admitted to any abuse toward him. We quit helping the parents and instead chose to focus on this child but think that only enables the "adults" to continue their self-destructive lifestyle. We asked them for guardianship in order to provide medical insurance. They say they love this child and won't give him up for any reason. We don't want to see the State take him away but don't know what we can do without becoming their victims also. Where can we find out what our options are?— Suffering Grandparents | | | ANSWER |
August 29, 2001 | | | Dear Suffering Grandparents,
What you've described--bruises on the face of a three year old, inflicted by his parents--is clear-cut physical abuse. Every county has a child protection agency that is responsible for investigating possible child abuse. Anyone who suspects abuse can call in a report. The agency will not reveal the name of the person who called. If you are afraid that the child's parents will extract revenge against you, you do not have to admit to them that you made the call, and you can also ask the court for a legal restraining order preventing the parents from trying to harm you.
If the agency documents that child abuse has taken place, it is required by law to protect the child. Often, this means taking the child out of the abusive home. Agencies try to place children with relatives, rather than with un-related foster parents. As grandparents, you would be high on the list of potential foster parents for your grandchild.
Most counties have a 24-hour hotline number where you can call in a report of suspected child abuse or neglect. You can find the number in the telephone book in the county government section, or under "child abuse," or simply call 911 and ask for the child abuse hotline number.
You mentioned "enabling." It is very important that you report your observations of abuse to the child protection authorities. That is the best way of keeping the child you love safe. Not to report clear abuse, in order to avoid getting the family into trouble, really is enabling. In a situation such as you describe, your first, and most important consideration has to be keeping the child safe.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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