Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Leaving Baby at Home While Traveling | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My husband and I are getting ready to go on a two week European vacation and will leave our 12½-month-old with her maternal grandparents for two weeks. We are concerned about the lasting impacts of leaving her for so long. Are there any studies or research you can recommend on separation anxiety at one year and what to do and not to do? Thank you.— Laura in Columbus, OH | | | ANSWER |
October 1, 2001 | | | Dear Laura,
A lot has been written about young children and separation. You might start with an article by Benjamin Spock on our site, Separation Anxiety. Separation from parents is often difficult for infants and young children. Just how difficult it is depends on the child's age, the length of the separation, whether the child stays in his own home, and (very importantly), who looks after the child during the separation.
If your child knows her maternal grandparents well, and has spent lots of time with them (for example, they've taken care of her for blocks of time as long as a whole day, or even a weekend, and she's been comfortable with that) then chances are good that she will be able to handle a separation. If she has not had a lot of experience of being cared for by her grandparents, then the separation will be much harder.
One reason infants have such a hard time with separations is that they don't understand the concept of time. A day or two can seem like forever. They can't understand when you tell them "We're coming back soon--only two weeks." They think you have gone away forever.
Another family wrote in earlier, asking about separation and vacation plans. Although their child was younger, a lot of what I said to them applies to a 12 month old, too.
If you have time before your trip, you might try a couple of shorter times away from your daughter--say, a weekend, if you haven't already done that--to see how she responds. If she shows signs of upset (withdrawal, clinginess, fussiness, sleep disturbance, sadness), then chances are that a longer absence will be worse. If she's completely fine, you can go on your vacation more confident that your daughter will be OK emotionally.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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