Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Hiding My Son's 'Blankie' | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My son, who is close to four years old, has carried a blankie around for a good time now. Recently I made up a story and hid his blankie from him. A day and a half has gone by now and he is sad that it is gone. Was this wrong? Should I have waited for him to give it up on his own?— Feeling Really Bad in Kenner, LA | | | ANSWER |
August 24, 2001 | | | Dear Feeling Really Bad,
Young children do develop strong attachments to blankets, stuffed animals, and other objects. They help the children feel secure, maybe by reminding them of mom and dad. Some children take longer than others to give up these supports. Usually, they see other children without them, or they get teased, and decide that they don't need the blankie any more.
A four-year-old who is otherwise healthy and well supported can probably handle the loss of his blankie without too much difficulty. Of course, he is bound to be sad for a day, or perhaps several. But then he will most likely adjust and carry on with life. So, I doubt that you have done your child any real harm.
One thing you have done, however, is you have taken away his chance to decide to give up his blankie on his own, and to feel proud of himself for doing it. Of course, he will have lots of other opportunities to make this sort of decision in the course of growing up.
Sometimes parents have to do things that their children don't like, such as putting a sick pet "to sleep," or walking out the door to go to a movie. As a general rule, I think children handle such losses and disappointments best when parents are up front about what they are doing. That way, the child can trust that whatever bad thing is about to occur, the parents know about it; it's not a mystery or something that just happens.
In your case, you might have said, "I've decided that you are too old for that blanket, and I'm taking it away." Of course, your child would have been mad at you for a while, but he would have survived, and you would have too. Again, you'll have plenty of other opportunities to handle this sort of situation as your son grows. The blankie incident is not likely to have any long-term effects.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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