Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Helping Daughter Have Relationship with Half-Sibling | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My ex-husband and I have a five-year-old daughter. Her father and his girlfriend are expecting a baby and I would like for our daughter to be a part of her new sibling's life (especially since I can no longer have children). I would like to know if it is OK for me to help my daughter have a relationship with her new sibling. My ex-husband does not want to participate in this relationship and has no plans of marrying his girlfriend. I want our daughter to know my ex-husband's girlfriend and half-sibling whether he is around or not. Should I do this or do you think it would cause more problems? Thank you.— Frustrated Single Mom in Ohio | | | ANSWER |
November 20, 2001 | | | Dear Frustrated Single Mom,
If I understand your question, you want to know if it is a good idea for you to encourage your five-year-old daughter to get to know her half sibling, whose parents are your ex-husband and his girlfriend. Your ex-husband isn't willing to help support this relationship, but you didn't sound like he was actively opposed to it, either.
I think, in general, children do want to know their siblings (including "half siblings"). Children usually think of their family as including all of the children of their parents. So, your desire to make this new child a part of your child's life strikes me as being a positive thing for your child. I've known other women in your position who were too angry with the ex-husband or girlfriend to ever consider forging a relationship with their children. You don't sound angry at all, and that is surely a good thing for your daughter.
I imagine that there might be challenges and problems that arise from your decision to pursue a relationship with your ex-husband's girlfriend (as you will have to do, if your children are to get to know each other.) But there's a good chance that these problems can be worked out. It would be better if your ex-husband was supportive, but you probably can go ahead without him. In time, he may change his mind and appreciate the fact that his children have a positive relationship with each other.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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