Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Moving Away from Daughter's Father | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I want to move with my three-year-old daughter and am concerned about hurting her relationship with her dad. Right now, we live a mile apart; he has her two days a week. I bought a house close to his so our daughter's life could be as undisturbed as possible. However, my husband died three months ago and the area where we live is isolated--I have a 45 minute drive to work or the hospital, poor schools, little culture, and no close friends or family nearby. I want to move to a small city four hours away, where I would have a good job, good and close health care, friends and family, and learning and cultural opportunities for both of us and my unborn child.
However, it feels so selfish to take her away from her dad. We parent very differently (he spoils her; I am into routine and interaction), but she knows he loves her. I am a teacher; he is a cook. My schedule is conducive to raising a child, but he works weekends and summers and would never move.— Mom with Many Worries in Minnesota | | | ANSWER |
December 21, 2001 | | | Dear Mom with Many Worries,
I think this is very much a judgment call. You seem to have your priorities straight: it is important for your daughter to continue to have a close relationship with her dad. And it is important for you to have a fulfilling job, education, and friends. Perhaps you could move and alternate driving with your husband. An eight-hour round trip is nothing to sneeze at, but it may be the best solution. Longer, and less frequent visits also might make the driving a little less of a burden.
Many parents manage to maintain close relationships between their children and their ex-spouses, even at great distances. I suspect that you would be able to do this, as well, although not without some sacrifice. The fact that you are aware and concerned about your daughter's relationship with her father suggests that you are going to do all you can to support this important bond. That is a very positive sign in its own right.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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