Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Six-Year-Old Uncomfortable Using the Potty | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
Hello, I hope you choose my question to answer because I really need advice. My daughter is six and still will not use the potty. We have tried everything we could think of. At first when we started training her we were told not to push her; but then it kept getting later and later and when we would try again she would cry and say she's scared and she hates the potty. She is in the first grade and we have been home schooling her since kindergarten. We have taken her to a doctor about this and she told the doctor she is scared that she might fall in and she is scared to flush it because she said it is a scary noise. We have tried to make it easier for her but now it seems she is dependant on her pull-ups and she does not want to give them up. She will not wear underwear because she knows she can't go to the bathroom in them. I am worried that she will never get over this. Could you give me some advice? I really need it.— Concerned Mom in Costa Mesa, CA | | | ANSWER |
November 13, 2001 | | | Dear Concerned Mom,
I've written about a very similar problem in an article called Potty Refusal: When a Child Is Reluctant to Use the Toilet for a BM. Although that article is geared to toddlers, the issues with older children are not all that different. However, by age six, a child's fear and avoidance of using the potty is likely to have become more firmly entrenched than they were at two.
What began as a simple fear, or perhaps a mild power struggle, may, after all of these years, have developed into a locked-in battle, with heightened emotions on both sides. In many cases, physical constipation complicates the issue. Therefore, if you are experiencing a lot of frustration (as I imagine you are) it may be wise, at this point, to seek guidance from a pediatric psychologist, family therapist, or behaviorally oriented pediatrician, who can work with your family to break through the log-jam, while also helping your daughter address her own fears or other emotions that may be getting in the way of her moving forward. In the mean time, you can take the pressure off of yourself and your daughter by allowing her to wear pull-ups. As she is old enough, you can encourage her to change herself, and tend to her own hygiene (with your help).— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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