Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
11- Year-Old Doesn't Care about Hygiene | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My 11-year-old stepdaughter does not want to take baths and is not concerned with her hygiene or appearance in any way. How can we change her attitude and habits?— Eliza | | | ANSWER |
November 13, 2001 | | | Dear Eliza,
Before you can go about helping your stepdaughter to adopt a higher standard of personal hygiene, you need to understand the reasons behind her apparent lack of concern. Without knowing your stepdaughter at all, I can think of several possible explanations:- She might simply be more concerned about other things that interest her, for example reading or playing the piano.
- At 11, children's bodies are changing rapidly. Many girls have not yet figured out that they need to bathe more regularly and use deodorant. A few gentle reminders and a trip to the store to pick out soaps and other supplies may be all that's needed.
- She might be adopting the style of dress and appearance of a particular group at school; group membership is often very important to 11-year-olds.
- She might be using her personal appearance as a way of declaring her independence from her parents, which is a normal and expectable part of adolescent development.
- Perhaps she is reacting against the pressure that many pre-pubescent girls feel to act and dress more grown-up, particularly when "grown up" means sexualized (think Britney Spears) and materialistic.
- On a less positive note, her lack of cleanliness might reflect low self-esteem, or (even though she is still quite young) preoccupation with unhealthy aspects of teen life, such as alcohol or drugs.
As a first step towards understanding your stepdaughter's personal habits, take a step back and look at her life in general. Does she have good friends, or at least one good friend? Is she doing well in school? Is she generally happy? Does she have some interests or hobbies, such as music or sports, that she cares about? Is she prudent when it comes to avoiding risky behavior?
If you can answer all of these in the positive, then there is a good chance that she will do well, psychologically, and the issue of hygiene may not be terribly important. Given time, and some gentle encouragement, she's likely to decide on her own that she wants to look and smell nice.
If the answer to these questions is negative, then there may be some underlying issues that need to be addressed before you tackle hygiene. For example, if your stepdaughter is neglecting her appearance out of feelings of sadness or anger, then it makes sense to get help addressing these issues. Her hygiene is likely to improve once she is feeling better about these more fundamental aspects of her emotional life.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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