Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
|
|
 Ask Dr. Needlman
Tackling Toilet Training at Home and at Daycare | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I am a teacher for the three- to four-year-old classroom in a daycare center. "Johnny," who is turning four next month, is still wearing diapers. I spoke to his mother and mentioned we have to work together as a team. I cannot do this on my own. The mother seems reluctant and aggravated and unwilling to work with me but yet she wants her son to be potty trained. I mentioned that he could come to school wearing underwear or a pull-up. She brought him in a diaper and said she forgot to put underwear on him. Please tell me what to do. Thank you.— Munchkin | | | ANSWER |
November 13, 2001 | | | Dear Munchkin,
It's likely that Johnny will learn a lot from observing his classmates. Children who have not been interested in learning to use the toilet at home often become highly motivated at school. All you have to do is let him observe the other children using the toilet and keep a couple of pairs of "big boy" underpants on hand for when he wants to try them, as well as a few spare diapers. If he is healthy mentally and physically, it won't be long until he decides that he wants to use the toilet like his friends.
You also can use this problem to help strengthen your relationship with Johnny's mother. First, try to see the situation from her point of view. Most parents try very hard to toilet train their children before they go off to school. There's a good chance Johnny's mother feels she has already tried everything. She's probably feeling frustrated and embarrassed by what must look like a failure by her as a parent. In this frame of mind, she might look upon your very reasonable request to work together to be a thinly disguised criticism, as though you were telling her she wasn't working hard enough to train her child, even though you meant no such thing.
To avoid these negative responses, you can reassure Johnny's mother that plenty of children show up at school wearing diapers. It's normal, and not a sign of bad parenting or anything like that. Let her know very specifically what you need for her to do, such as bringing in extra diapers or pull-ups, as well as a few pairs of underpants (cool ones with a superhero or other desirable design are best). At home, avoiding pressure or criticism, she should let Johnny know that pretty soon--when he's ready--she knows that he will start using the toilet like a big boy, and when that happens there will be a special treat. All she has to do is keep her attitude low key, positive, and confident. You--and most importantly, the other children in the class--will do the rest!— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
|
