Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Starting Preschool While Parents Finalize Custody Issues | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I am going through a custody battle for my 20-month-old son. His father has him three days out of every week (Tuesday through Thursday). When he starts preschool will it be important for him to be there everyday?— Mommy K in Kent | | | ANSWER |
November 7, 2001 | | | Dear Mommy K,
There is no simple answer for your question, but I can give you some of the factors I think are worth considering:- Assuming that you are thinking about starting your child in preschool soon (rather than when he is three), there is no special benefit from attending every day. Many young children go to preschool two or three half-days a week, which is enough for them to begin to get used to being around other preschoolers and teachers. Other children attend every day, and if it is a high-quality preschool where they feel safe and emotionally connected with one or two special teachers, they also do fine.
- Changes of any sort are likely to be difficult for a not-yet-two-year-old child. Going back and forth between two homes is a relatively big change, and is likely to be stressful. If possible (and it may not be), it might be good to wait a while, until the visitation schedule has become a familiar routine, before introducing yet another change (preschool) that your child will have to adjust to. Otherwise, there is the risk that all of the changes at once will simply be too much for your child to handle.
- A high-quality child-care or preschool setting can be a source of stability for a child, when other things (housing, parents) are changing. This is only the case, however, if the child has a strong, ongoing relationship with a teacher, who can then become a source of constancy that the child can rely on.
- Children deal with these sorts of changes differently. If you are lucky and your child is highly adaptable to new circumstances and moderate in his emotional responses, he is likely to deal with this new situation well. If his temperament makes him less adaptable, you might see a variety of symptoms telling you your son is stressed--such as clinginess, tantrums, sleep problems, eating problems, or hyper behavior. If this is the case, you and your ex-husband may benefit from some hands-on behavioral guidance. See our mental health care section for ideas on how to find the right professional to help your family.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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