Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Sharing 2 Year Olds Taking Turns | | | QUESTION | | | | How do I encourage my 2 year old to share and take turns? — Kerstin in San Antonio, Texas | | | ANSWER |
February 16, 2001 | | | Parents often start teaching about sharing when their children are 18-24 months old. Children usually become actually pretty good sharers by the time they are four or five years old. You should take away from these statements the fact that there are a lot of years in between, when children are learning, but have not yet learned, to share.
Temperament is important. Children who are less impulsive and more inclined to follow rules learn sooner. Children whose impulses are stronger, and who are more inclined to follow their own leads, learn later.
Early in this learning process, you shouldn't expect too much in the way of sharing. If you take a toy from your 2-year-old to give to another child, for example, your two-year-old is likely just to feel angry. He won't recognize the fairness of what you've done. Better to simply find a second toy. A two-year-old is just beginning to understand about possessions. That's why everything is "mine." It takes years to understand that you could own something, but still have to share it. It is as unlikely for a toddler to learn how to share at age two as it is for him to learn how to read when he first picks up a book.
If your child shares spontaneously, praise him. Model sharing with your spouse or partner. Talk about turn-taking in the grocery store and at the park.
By age 3, you can point out how everyone is happier, and playing is more fun, when kids share. It is very hard for a preschool child to take another child's point of view. But talking about the feelings of other people, over time, can help teach your child to take those feelings into account.
Parents sometimes have the view that everything should be shared. But it is comforting for children to also have things that are theirs, and theirs alone; they may choose to share these things, but they don't have to share them. You can point out the difference between these two types of things: "You don't have to share your teddy bear or your favorite pillow, but the swing-set is for everybody to use."
Sharing is particularly hard between siblings, especially twins. Siblings are forced to share the most precious thing of all: their parents' attention. It often takes all of childhood for children to learn this sharing task.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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