Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Two-Year-Old Frightened by the News | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have been concerned about my 2½-year-old son. Since all the news coverage began on TV he has been acting really strange. The first day we had the TV on all day (mistake) and then that night he woke up screaming. I went in to him and he was still half sleeping and saying "No fire, no fire, momma I die, I die?" I reassured him that he was OK and have stopped letting him watch the news but he is still talking about it. Now when he sees anything that looks like fire he starts screaming and tries to find something to cover up with. What else can I do to let him feel he is safe?— Ally in Williamston, MI | | | ANSWER |
October 1, 2001 | | | Dear Ally,
I'm hoping that by the time this answer reaches you, the problem you describe will already be fading. Two year olds are very "tuned in" to the emotions their parents show, and anything that upsets or scares their parents is likely to make a big impression on them, too. On the other hand, persistent fears of fire, as in your child's case, don't usually last very long, as long as the exposure was only second-hand (through TV) rather than direct (actually being in the fire, or watching from up close). I would expect that your son's fears and nightmares would begin to fade within a few days, or a week or two at longest.
One thing that might make your son's fear last longer is--ironically--your response to it. If, every time your son screams in fear you give him a great deal of attention, calming him down, and trying your very hardest to make everything alright, you could be teaching him (without your meaning to, and without his being aware of it) that screaming in fear is a good way to get attention.
This puts you in a bit of a bind. On the one hand, you can't let your son feel scared and un-protected. On the other hand, you want to avoid giving him too much positive attention for the fear behavior, because any behavior that is rewarded will persist. So, you'll need to find a middle ground: make a simple, confident, reassuring statement ("You're fine. That fire can't hurt you. I'll make sure you're OK."), then change the topic and find something else to focus on together.
If this approach doesn't seem to help, consider talking with your son's doctor and getting some short-term hands-on help from a psychologist or behavioral pediatrician. Also, take a look at the other articles on our site about helping children cope with terrorism.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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