Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Attacks Leave Teen Too Scared to Sleep Alone | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
Being new to your site, I'm not sure if my youngest fits the profile--she is 16 going on 60. This war mess has her all torn up and she won't sleep by herself. We have great communication, but I'm at a loss as to how to help her. Just as an added note, she will be going to college in the fall; she is very gifted and graduated high school this summer. But her social skills are really poorly developed, no matter what we did (promoting Girl Scouts, inviting friends over, etc.). She has nothing in common with her peers.
I'm sure this type of problem is not what you usually handle, but I wanted to do my best for her, as she is such a good girl.— Lynne | | | ANSWER |
September 18, 2001 | | | Dear Lynne,
I think that for any child who is "all torn up" by the current crisis and who does not want to sleep alone, it makes sense to arrange temporarily for that child to share a room with you or another family member--whatever is comfortable. In a time of really extraordinary stress, certain rules need to be relaxed, just to help everyone get through.
It sounds as though college will be a challenge for your daughter, not academically but socially. She is a good deal younger than most entering freshmen and has had difficulty finding a social niche in high school. In this, she is like many academically gifted students.
For your daughter, it might be important that you choose a college that is near enough to home to allow her to visit often, for support. With luck she may find in college a community of individuals with similarly intense academic interests, with whom she can become friends. A smaller college, which offers more personalized support, might be a wise choice.
Most colleges offer counseling services to help students adjust to college life. It may make sense to help connect your daughter with the counselors, or with another support network (campus religious groups, for example), right from the start, rather than waiting for problems to develop.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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