Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
When The Whining Won't Stop | | | QUESTION | | | | My son whines all the time. What can I do? — Russ in San Jose, California | | | ANSWER |
May 22, 2000 | | | The simple answer is, try to make sure that your child doesn't get what he wants by whining. This sounds easier than it is. Your child asks for something, say, a cookie before dinner, and your first impulse is to say "No". Then the whining starts. After five minutes of this torture, you decide that a cookie before dinner really isn't such a big deal; so what if he eats less dinner?
That's right, as far as dinner goes, but now there is more at stake. If you give the cookie, you will have taught your child to use whining as a tool for getting what he wants. You will regret that lesson many times over.
The true skill in parenting is to make a decision right away when your child asks for something. Is it something you care deeply about, which you just won't give in on (absolutely no playing with the hair dryer)? Say "No", and stick to it. Is it something that you don't really care about so much (such as that cookie before dinner)? Then say "Yes", smile, and move on to the next pleasant activity.
Even with this good sense rule in place, some preschool children develop a habit of whining when they ask for something, even before you say "No". In these cases, you can simply state "You're whining, I don't like it. Try asking in a normal tone of voice." If the whining persists, I'd ignore the requests completely. If it continues in a more aggressive manner, then go to a time out.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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