Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Dreams And Nightmares In A Four-year-old | | | QUESTION | | | | What is the best way to deal with my 4 year old son's dreams and nightmares? — Julie in San Jose, California | | | ANSWER |
June 12, 2000 | | | All four-year-olds have dreams, and many of those dreams are frightening. If your son wakes up scared or upset, you should follow your natural inclination to comfort him. Sit by his bed, talk with him, or rub his back until he calms down. Tell him that what frightened him was a dream. Dreams come from the imagination, and they can't hurt you. Also - and this is most important -- you can tell him that you always make sure that he is safe.
In fact, keeping him safe is your most important job (which, if you think about it, is quite true), and you always do your job. Saying something like this with confidence should go a long way towards reassuring your son, since young children believe that their parents are all-powerful.
Many children will go through times when they seem to have a lot more nightmares than usual. Sometimes the trigger for this is obvious: there has been a major change in the home, such as the birth of a sibling, or a grandparent's death.
Sometimes changes in a parent's life - a new job, even a promotion - can somehow filter down to the child and result in nightmares. A child who is handling very grown-up seeming tasks during the day, such as going to a new preschool, might start having more bad dreams at night. Developmental progress in one area often goes along with a small step backward in another area..
Age four is also a time when children, and boys in particular, are often fascinated by powerful creatures such as dinosaurs or Ninjas. I think this is because little boys are aware that they are actually very small, and they want very much to be bigger and stronger. These powerful fantasies, however, seem to carry over to nighttime, and to become frightening.
In any case, the simple answer is to offer reassurance whenever your child needs it. Usually by six or seven, a child's ability to tell reality from fantasy has improved enough that he finds nightmares less frightening most of the time. But from time to time he will continue to need a hug and pat on the back throughout childhood.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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