Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Raising A Shy Child | | | QUESTION | | | | How should I deal with my child's shyness? — Playgroup in Stow, Ohio | | | ANSWER |
May 20, 2000 | | | Parents often find it painful to watch their shy children, particularly if the parent is socially outgoing. Often, however, the shy child is actually having a fine time, observing, and slowly taking part in activities.
You can sometimes find out simply by asking your child, or listening to how he talks about an experience. For example, it might look to you as though he must be miserable playing by himself at the park. But if he says that he really had fun, and seems to mean it, then it's wise to accept his take on things.
Shyness is largely a matter of temperament, not something parents teach or create; it is also not something that you can easily change. So, the most important thing is to accept your child as he is, so that he will feel comfortable with himself. In time, most shy children learn confidence and social skills, even if they don't usually become outright gregarious.
It's important to distinguish between shyness, which is a tendency to hold back in social situations, and fearfulness which extends to many different situations, or which is so severe that it keep s a child from doing normal things.
For example, a child who is so concerned about dogs or bugs that he won't play in the park, is not merely shy. A child who hides when company comes over, and doesn't come out even after several minutes, because he is "too shy" has a more significant problem. For fears and shyness that are this severe, it is often helpful to get professional help.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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