Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
|
|
 Ask Dr. Needlman
A Boy Who Puts on Lipstick | | | QUESTION | | | | At what age, if at all, should I stop my 4 year old son from putting on my lipstick and playing with my purses, etc.? — Playgroup in Stow, Ohio | | | ANSWER |
June 6, 2000 | | | Four-year-old boys are right in the middle of the process of figuring out what makes someone male and someone else female. They are intensely interested in anatomy - theirs, and that of other boys and girls - and in other things that make men different from women. They know that they are boys and will grow up to be men; but at the same time they are not sure that it has to be this way, and they aren't always sure that they want it to be this way. After all, why be just one thing (male), and do only "male" things, when you could be everything (male and female, mommy and daddy) and do everything? In the logic of the four-year old mind, this ought to be possible.
Four-year-olds work on these issues by playing different roles - one day its lipstick and purses, the next day it's trucks and bulldozers. In more subtle ways, too, they take on characteristics of both their mothers' and fathers' personalities. If they are living with one parent only, they often "adopt" a grown up of the other sex as their model. As grownups, if they have done their preschool work well, they will have a whole range of feelings and behaviors to call upon, not only those that are narrowly associated with "maleness" or "femaleness."
There is no reason to be concerned about preschool boys who play at being women sometimes. You won't have to stop your son: at some point you will probably notice that he is showing less and less interest in dressing up in "mommy" clothes, and finally, around age 6, he is likely to become quite resistant to the idea of dressing like a girl. He will insist that he is a boy, and may scoff at the idea that he ever liked lipstick.
Of course, you might want to stop him from playing with your good purse and lipstick, just from a practical point of view. Four year old boys tend to be pretty rough on accessories. If you have a couple of older bags, and perhaps some empty lipsticks that won't leave smears all over the rug, you could put them in a low drawer or in a cardboard box in a closet, along with a cowboy hat or a helmet of some kind. Change theses props from time to time, enriching them with bargains from second-hand stores, and enjoy watching the rich play that develops.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
|
