Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Does Bribery Work as a Toddler Tactic? | | | QUESTION | | | | Is it okay to give bribes to get my 18 month old to do what I want? — Philip in North Haven, Connecticut | | | ANSWER |
May 21, 2000 | | | At 18 months, children are naturally inclined to do what they want to do right when they want to. They live in the present moment.
A bribe or reward that is promised in payment for some future activity usually doesn't have much effect on the behavior of the in-the-moment toddler. At this age, it is more effective to get your child to do what you want, then instantly give her a reward.
For any child, the most potent reward is approval from her parents. There is a technique to giving effective praise. When you give praise, first make sure you have your child's attention.
One way to do this by holding her gently by the shoulders and looking right into her face. Then tell her what you are praising her for, simply and directly, as in "Good job picking up your blocks!" Then give her a smile and (if she's a hugging type), a hug.
How do you get her to do what you want in the first place? First make sure that what you want her to do is something she really can do. Saying to a toddler "Pick up these toys" isn't effective. It's too vague a request (which toys? what do I do with them when I've "picked them up?"). Also, if there are more than two or three toys, your toddler will just be overwhelmed. Saying "Take these two blocks and put them into the toy box, now, please" is direct, specific, and simple.
If she has trouble following this request, don't repeat it more than once. Then, take her by the hand, direct her physically to do what you want (even if it means that you put the block into her hands, then pull her gently over to the toy box) then praise her for doing it.
You won't have to give this high level of support forever. The point is to get your toddler used to following your directions, and eager for the praise that follows. Remember that if you use the word "please" instead of simply making demands of your toddler, your toddler will learn from your example.
— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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