Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Parents Want to Wait to Separate | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
If separation is inevitable due to a bad relationship between the parents, is it better to wait to separate until their 2½-year-old son is older? When they fight, the mother tells their child things like "Daddy is being a bad daddy." They are not married. I want to know what is best for the child. Thank you.— Song in Brookline, MA | | | ANSWER |
August 29, 2001 | | | Dear Song,
While parents often focus on the separation itself, in many cases it is the tension and anger between the parents, before the actual separation, that ends up being the hardest on the child.
The decision to separate is a tough one, and I would encourage you both to work very hard to try to patch up your relationship, if at all possible. This might involve seeing a marriage counselor. If you subsequently get to the point that you know you cannot possibly work things out, then, I think, is the time to separate.
I hope that you will look at the articles in the divorce section of our site, for other ideas about how to help your son come through these troubling events as emotionally healthy as possible. There is a lot you both (the parents) can do protect your child, and give him the support he needs. Taking these steps will also allow you to feel better about your decision.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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