Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
|
|
 Ask Dr. Needlman
Frustration and Negotiation with Young Children | | | QUESTION | | | | Sometimes I get so frustrated with my kids. I want them to do one thing and they are determined to do the opposite. How do you negotiate with young children? — Russ in San Jose, California | | | ANSWER |
May 24, 2000 | | | What a terrific question. If by negotiating you mean bargaining back and forth to see who can get the upper hand in a particular situation, I'd say, Don't do it! Small children need to know that parents are in charge, and at some point they (the children) simply have to do what they're told.
Certain things are non-negotiable, such as whether or not you put on your seat belt, whether you hold hands crossing the street, and whether you sit in time out when your mother or father tells you to. On the other hand, it's good for young children to be able to make choices, so that they can feel that they have a certain degree of control.
For example, they can choose what book to read, whether to start with their peas or their bread, whether to have one song before bed, or two (but not five or six, unless you want that).
If you offer a choice that is too big for your small child (for example, which of 32 flavors to choose), he is likely to become overwhelmed, and may have a tantrum. Small feet take small steps; small children make small choices.
You want your child to feel empowered. But I worry about parents who feel that they have to negotiate every little point. When you feel comfortable simply taking charge, you will find that this makes your child feel more comfortable as well.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
|
