Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Worried about Son Being an Only Child | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
We are thinking about having only one child as I am now 39 and have a seven-month-old son. I don't want to get pregnant right now but I don't really want to have a baby in my 40's. Will my son be all right being an only child or is this a very selfish decision on our part?— Dianne in London, Ontario Canada | | | ANSWER |
July 23, 2001 | | | Dear Dianne,
A lot of parents who begin having children in their late thirties decide to have just one, and it works well for them. Many children who grow up without brothers and sisters are happy, well adjusted, and successful. The old stereotype of the miserable "only child" who has lots of psychological problems is just that--an old, inaccurate stereotype.
Being the only child in a family has certain advantages and disadvantages, of course. On the negative side, a child who never has to deal with competition from siblings may have a harder time handling competition in the wider world. Parents of singletons need to make a conscious choice to provide their children with peer experiences, for example, by joining a playgroup or using group child-care. Later in life, only children may miss the ongoing, supportive relationships that often develop between siblings. Making an effort to stay close to cousins can sometimes help here.
Among the many advantages of being an only child are greater access to parental attention (for example, more time reading aloud together than would be possible when parents have lots of children to spend time with), and often greater access to other resources, too.
Most important, you need to create the kind of family that will work for you. If having a single child feels most comfortable and makes sense to the two of you, then it is the right decision, not a "selfish" decision at all.
For more on only children, please see Only Children.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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