Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Four-Year-Old Obsessed with Siblings | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My daughter is 4-1/2 years old and an only child. She is a little obsessed with having a sibling. Some of my friends and relatives are pregnant and that's a big topic of interest and discussion for her. We'd like another child, but it hasn't happened yet. Any suggestions on how to divert my daughter's interest? Should we let it run its course?— Jac's Mom | | | ANSWER |
July 23, 2001 | | | Dear Jac's Mom,
Your daughter's interest in babies in general, and a sibling in particular, seems completely normal to me. She not only sees relatives who are pregnant, but many of her own peers no doubt have siblings. She's also old enough to have questions about babies -- where they come from, how they're born, and so on. Look on our site under siblings and in the sex and sexuality section for more on answering these sorts of questions.
Sometimes the "obsessive" interests of young children take the form of repeated questions. To a certain point, it's fine to answer the same question more than once, since a young child may not be able to absorb all of the information the first time. If the questioning goes on and on, however, it's also fine to set a limit. You can simply say, "I've already answered that question enough, and I'm not going to answer it again, so let's talk about something else."
Other children show their interest by playing "family" either with dolls, or with friends. This sort of play is a very healthy way for a child to think about and work through important issues, such as feelings about siblings.
While I believe that it's important to be honest with children, as a general rule, a young child doesn't need to know about her parents' efforts to become pregnant. That level of information is almost surely well beyond a young child's ability to comprehend. It's probably best to stick to the simple facts: you don't know whether or not you're going to have another child. Time will tell. At the same time, acknowledging your child's feelings is always a positive thing to do. "It sounds like you really want to have a little brother or sister" lets your daughter know that you are listening to her, and care about her feelings.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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