Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Crying for No Reason at 20 Months | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have a strange situation that is bothering me. My soon to be 20-month-old daughter is suddenly crying a lot. It is a different cry than when she is hurt or frustrated. It is almost like her feelings are hurt. I don't know why it keeps happening. There have been no major changes that I know of. It happens at the oddest times, one time she was in the tub playing and all of a sudden she looks at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. Sometimes there is no or little sound involved just tears and the episodes last a good 10 to 15 minutes. I thought at first it could be separation anxiety, but I am a stay-at-home mom and we are always together. I am really starting to worry that there is something really wrong. It has been going on for about two weeks, but the episodes seem to be happening more often. Any ideas would be appreciated.— Cathy in Fayetteville, NC | | | ANSWER |
May 23, 2001 | | | Dear Cathy,
Although you haven't noticed any major outward changes in your daughter's life, sometimes in talking with parents, we (the parents and I) discover a source of stress that the child is responding to, even though it wasn't obvious to either of us at the outset.
If you can't think of any change or new source of stress, and you are left with a puzzling behavior, ask yourself if this crying is the only odd or concerning thing your daughter is doing or are there other behaviors as well that seem not quite right? Is she eating, sleeping, and playing well at other times? Does she seem to be interested in things and people or is she withdrawn? Is she joyful sometimes? Are her skills developing normally or has she had some loss of skills (which would be concerning)?
If the answers to all of these questions are reassuring, you can probably wait and watch. The transition from toddlerhood to preschool age--where your daughter is now--can be an emotionally stressful time. Children often have great difficulty with separations around this time, even (or perhaps, especially) if they have been at home full time with their moms. At 20 months, a child is able to imagine being separated from her parents, whereas before she would only respond to the reality of separation. So, it is really not that uncommon for children your daughter's age to go through a period of heightened emotionality.
If you decide to take this approach, try to respond to your daughter's distress in a calm, reassuring way. If you become agitated or act overly concerned (for example, asking again and again "Why are you upset"), your anxiety might make your daughter more upset.
You mention that these crying spells are happening more and more. If this trend continues, you should seek advice and support from a professional who can observe your daughter and talk with you face to face. Our section on mental health professionals may help you connect with the right person.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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