Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Worried Grandma Spoils Him | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have a question. My son is five years old, and I still live with my parents. My Mother spoils him I believe. He is potty trained with number one perfectly. But number two when he is with her he will do it in his pull-ups, but with me he goes regularly. She does not ever explain to him the right way. Also I think he is very spoiled. He tends to have his way with my mother rather than my dad and I. When I am around him and she's around he will cry and whine for things that he wants, and when he can't get his way he cries for no reason...What should I do?— Stressed Mom in Texas | | | ANSWER |
May 23, 2001 | | | Dear Stressed Mom,
Lots of parents are in your situation, raising their children with the help of grandparents. The help is something they need, but they don't always agree with the way the grandparents go about it.
One thing that may help you feel more comfortable is to realize that children learn to behave differently towards different people: Your son can learn to whine with grandma, because that seems to work, but not with you or grandpa. If being "spoiled" means learning to expect to always get what you want when you want it, then your son won't grow up spoiled, because he will have learned that he doesn't always get what he wants when he is with you or his grandpa.
The same sort of thinking might help you see the potty training a bit differently. He's making more progress with you, because he knows that's what you expect. He's taking more time about it with grandma, because that's what's comfortable with her. Eventually, he'll master toileting no matter whom he's with.
For more on grandparent-parent-child relationships, try looking at some of the articles in our grandparenting program and also in our programs on whining and spoiling. The bottom line is, even though you and your mother are doing things a bit differently, it probably won't make a big difference in the end. So, relax, and be thankful that your parents are willing and able to help out.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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