Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Seven-Year-Old Failing School | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have a seven-year-old who really has me worried. She is very immature for her age, and as a 1st grader is already getting F's. She is very gifted in the music department and has been taking piano lessons for two years. I'm more concerned with the academics. I can't seem to get her motivated in reading, math, or anything that takes time to figure out. I've had meetings with her teacher and we both feel she can comprehend the work, she just doesn't put any effort into it. I give her extra work sent home from school every evening to try and help her to understand that homework and schoolwork is something that has to be done. I also have resorted to grounding her because of her grades. Nothing seems to faze this child. Am I maybe expecting too much from her? I'm already concerned about the next school year, as things are only going to get harder for her... Thanks for any suggestions you can give me.— Barb S. in Cabot, PA | | | ANSWER |
May 23, 2001 | | | Dear Barb,
I think you have to start with the assumption that if your daughter is not doing the academics, it is because they are actually exceptionally hard for her. I've never known a seven-year-old who is actually "lazy" (the way we older people often are!). At 7, the world is too new and fresh to be blase about it. But I have known many first and second graders who pretend not to care about schoolwork because in fact they cannot do it. At all ages, children know that it is less shameful to be "lazy" than to be "dumb."
In any case, your daughter sounds like a very motivated young person, with her musical accomplishments. So, the first step should be testing to look for a learning disability. A thorough physical examination should rule out hearing and/or vision problems. You should also consider the possibility of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Sometimes, when parents say "immaturity," they are referring to the impulsivity of ADHD. If your daughter's behaviors seem to fit, ask her pediatrician or family doctor for an assessment.
Your attitude may be even more important than what you do. It's most helpful to approach the problem in a positive light, assuming that you will be able to help your daughter overcome her difficulty. She undoubtedly feels bad about not doing well in school (although she may pretend otherwise as a way to cover up her feelings of shame). What's going to motivate her to try is the belief that eventually she will be able to succeed, both academically and socially.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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