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 Ask Dr. Jana
Two Preschoolers Making Mom Act As Referee | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Jana,
Hello, I have a three-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son, born 11 months apart. My husband is active duty military and we move a lot. They are really close in relationship to each other; they are usually all they have. My biggest problem is the constant competition between them about every little thing. Who gets dressed first, who finishes a meal first, and who comes downstairs first in the morning. With them being three and four, I cannot make them understand how this drives me absolutely crazy. I always feel like I'm telling them to quit it and having to constantly be a referee besides being mom. Help.— Ref in Christiansburg, VA | | | ANSWER |
May 10, 2001 | | | Dear Ref,
Not only do I have a pediatrician's perspective on this question, but I also live the exact same scenario at home! While it is a fact of parenting that part of your job description is inevitably going to be refereeing, I would suggest several things to help you handle constant competition between your children.
- Distance yourself. Take a step back and try not to get involved in the simple, harmless forms of competition.
- Point out to your children how lucky they are to have each other, and that they should treat each other like best friends. May sound corny, but it actually works (sometimes)!
- Try not to compare them. If your son taunts your daughter by telling you "I did a better job than she did," your reply should be that he did a good job, and that it does not matter (and isn't for him to discuss) whether his sister did a good job or not.
- Emphasize that both kids can win, and find ways to let them both do so as a team. One of my children was always left crying on the stairs whenever the other one made it to the top first, until I told them that winning meant they beat me up the stairs at bath time. Now they happily win together.
- Remind yourself that some competition can be a good thing in motivating your children to accomplish more than they otherwise might.
— by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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