Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Every Child Has a Special Place | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My question is on birth order. I'm a middle child but the oldest girl. I have two older brothers and a younger sister, so even though the younger brother is a middle and I'm a middle, we all had a "special" place, i.e. oldest boy is the oldest sibling; youngest boy (baby boy) is a middle and a youngest; oldest girl is a middle and an oldest, and youngest girl is the baby of the family. Have you noticed any thing significant about families like ours?— Wondering | | | ANSWER |
May 10, 2001 | | | Dear Wondering,
I'm struck by how sophisticated your question is. You point out that a child's place in a family is more than just numerical birth order but has to do with other factors, such as sex. And, as you observe, a child's birth order can have more than one meaning: middle child and youngest son; middle child and eldest daughter.
To me, this seems like a pretty healthy way to deal with birth order. The more different ways a child can see himself in the family, the more room it gives that child to feel important and accepted for himself. The flexibility to see oneself as a middle child one day, and a youngest child the next gives a child that much more latitude to try different sorts of behaviors.
So, in answer to your question: I think what's significant in families where children have roles that are flexible and thus give the child room to grow and change, is that these are by and large happy families. I'm guessing that you and your siblings felt comfortable in the roles you've described as children and probably continue to feel that way as adults.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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