Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Baby Sister has No One to Play with at Family Gatherings | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
On both sides of our families, there are no cousins my daughter's sex or age (four). When we get together for family parties, there is no one for her to play with. Two boy cousins (seven and five years old) are only interested in playing with my six-year-old son.
I try to encourage her to play with the boys but they're not interested in playing with her. I've tried to get the older girl cousins to play with her but they're not interested. At these parties she plays by herself, watches a video, or stays by me.
She is aware that no one wants to play with her and has said that she doesn't want to go to these parties. We are going on vacation with one side of the family. Help!— Bridget in Illinois | | | ANSWER |
May 23, 2001 | | | Dear Bridget,
Family get-togethers are good things, of course, and you want your daughter to enjoy them, not just get through them. Although you'd like to see all of the kids playing happily together, I can well understand why a "big" boy of five or seven would shun playing with a "little" girl of four, especially when there is a six-year-old boy available.
So, rather than relying wishful thinking, try planning a few simple but special activities that your daughter would love to do. Maybe it's bringing out some cheap plastic toys that none of the children have seen before, or a new box of crayons (you don't need a jumbo box--16 new crayons and an interested adult to make a picture with is an irresistible treat for many children). You know your children best.
Chances are with you (or a favorite aunt or uncle) there making things interesting, the boys will want to join in, too; they may even start playing with your daughter, before they realize they're doing it.
Of course, you'll want to have time with the adults, too. So bring a few favorite books, or dolls that your daughter can entertain herself with for a while. Most four-year-olds can't be expected to play happily alone for more than about 30 minutes, so you'll need to be available to her on and off.
I'm not a big fan of TV, as you may know, but this is a situation when a well-chosen video has some merit. It would be too bad if videos were the only entertainment for your daughter; but if there are other things to do, as well, then I think some time watching of a video is fine.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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