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Ask Dr. Jana

Toddler Wanting to Dress Herself
QUESTION
Dear Dr. Jana,
My 2-l/2-year-old drove me crazy today changing her clothes five times. It's difficult getting out quickly because she could be wearing shorts in winter. How should this be handled? Just say "no?"

— Needing Advice

ANSWER
April 26, 2001
Dear Needing Advice,
It's great that you're taking your daughter seriously in considering how best to handle this situation. As you may know, making what seems like a simple decision to you and me can be of monumental importance to a two-year-old exerting her new-found independence.

In order to recognize her need to do things for herself, you can start by laying a few ground rules (such as "no shorts in the winter time"), for there will inevitably times when just saying no is appropriate.

The next step you can take is to give your daughter the chance to make limited decisions. An example would be putting several outfits you deem acceptable in a drawer and then letting her choose amongst them which one she wants to wear--she gets her way, while you keep her from getting frostbite.

Lastly, I will assure you that you are not the only parent of a two-year-old who experiences this frustration on a daily basis. I will tell you what I used to tell my toddler parents: When your daughter gets older, you will only hope that she will be assertive and independent, but these same desirable traits can be quite a challenge when they develop in a two-year-old!

— by Laura Jana, M.D., F.A.A.P.

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