Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Four-Year-Old Cries over Little Things | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My son, age four, has started crying while participating in Karate if one of the other children in the group does something unkind to him (for example, cuts in front on him in line). My son then runs to the back of the room where I am sitting and cries. How should I acknowledge his hurt feelings? What can I say when he wants to go home or just watch the class from the sidelines after such an incident? I am concerned he will become a "quitter" if we let him have his way and not continue to participate.— Confused Dad in Cleveland, Ohio | | | ANSWER |
April 10, 2001 | | | Dear Confused Dad,
As odd as it seems, young children often have a hard time knowing how badly they have been hurt, if at all. For example, a child who falls down and receives the tiniest scratch and might carry on as if he had sustained a major gash. But once a trusted grownup reassures him that the cut is really very small, and perhaps covers it over with a tiny adhesive bandage, the child goes back to playing happily.
I think the same thing may be going on with your son. He knows that he has been slighted in some way, but he doesn't know how to distinguish between a little rudeness and a major affront. So, just to make sure, he comes crying to you. Perhaps a simple, kind, brief explanation would be all that he needs: "Yes, it's rude to cut ahead in line, but you're really fine; you're not hurt; go ahead and go back and join the class now."
As far a quitting goes: If you think that, overall, your son is enjoying the karate class and it's only on occasion that he's frustrated or unhappy, then by all means you should keep going. If, on the other hand, you sense that he really is not having fun in the class overall, then you could certainly decide to stop going. It's not quitting, so much as deciding that this isn't the best thing for your son to be doing right now. Maybe later he'll be ready to try again later. Being flexible is different from being a quitter.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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