Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Super Clingy 16-Month-Old | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My daughter is 16 months and has been going to daycare since she was seven months old. As of late whenever she's with my husband or myself she demands we pick her up constantly. When I say no she has tantrums. What can I do so that I can cook dinner without her velcroed to the back of my knees? Help...please!— Mary in NYC | | | ANSWER |
April 10, 2001 | | | Dear Mary,
Developmentalists have known for years about a normal stage of development that hits, usually, between about 18 and 24 months of age, when healthy children all of a sudden become extremely clingy. Mothers often complain, "I can't even take a shower without a little head poking around the curtain!" What makes this behavior more puzzling is that it occurs after a period of joyful independence that often starts when a child learns to walk.
Temperament has a lot to do with how children handle this phase. Children who are temperamentally very bold and active may show very little clingy behavior. Other children, who tend to be more sensitive and tentative, may show a lot. The phase usually lasts for a few months and then fades away as the children begin to be more comfortable with their new independence.
I wonder if this is not what is happening with your daughter, only perhaps a bit earlier than usual. Her daycare experience may not have much to do with it. Clinginess can occur as a result of a distressing separation or other unusually stressful event, but you haven't mentioned anything like that.
So, what can you do about it? Try a playpen in the kitchen when you are cooking. Your daughter can still see you, but she won't be tripping you up and (potentially) causing a safety hazard. Be sympathetic to your daughter's distress, but if you can't pick her up sometimes, don't. As with other tantrums, it may be best to act cool, and avoid strenuous efforts to make everything better. Perhaps just knowing that this clingy behavior fits well within the pattern for normal emotional development will let you deal with it as the predictable (but not particularly concerning) nuisance it is.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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