Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Overbearing Three-Year-Old | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I am having trouble disciplining my three-year-old. Time outs have become ineffective and time consuming for he refuses to stay in his chair. As a result I have begun to send him to his room for his time outs. He cannot open his bedroom door on his own, thus he stays put. Is this a good discipline strategy, or is the isolation too much for him? Also, my son has become very over-bearing with people--head butting and grabbing onto my legs and trying to get right in my face. He doesn't suffer from a lack of positive attention; he just seems to have periods when he gets hyper and overbearing. Is this normal or a symptom of some physical discomfort or something else?— Ready to Start Spanking | | | ANSWER |
April 10, 2001 | | | Dear Ready to Start Spanking,
It sounds like your son is really giving you a hard time. In general, I think it's OK to send a three-year-old to his room and even close the door and keep it closed if need be. Most children don't like being isolated, but they don't find it too upsetting. (A three-year-old who is terrified of being alone may need professional help managing his anxious feelings.)
The overbearing behavior you describe is very common among strong-willed preschoolers. Children who are temperamentally prone to take charge try to assert themselves in whatever way seems to work. They need to learn what ways are acceptable and what ways are not.
One thing that you really do not want such a child to learn is that hitting solves problems, because he has already shown a propensity for hitting. That is a good reason for not using spanking as a discipline technique for such children. At best it is a quick fix that temporarily inhibits a child's bad behavior. But in the long run, it strengthens the child's tendency to use hitting and physical force to rule anyone less powerful than himself.
The articles in the discipline techniques section of the site offer lots of specific ideas about time outs, including ways to make it work with children who are resistant, plus other discipline techniques as well. For other thoughts about discipline, see our discipline program.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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