Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Preschooler Who Hates to Say 'Bye | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have a 29-month-old boy who refuses to say 'bye to a 3-1/2-year-old girl who comes and plays at our home, even if he meets her in mall or playground he gives us a tough time letting her go. If we tell him to say 'bye, he starts shrieking and throws a tantrum, and then we have to take him away forcefully. He goes to daycare all day with the same girl who attends the daycare for half a day, and there he says 'bye peacefully. I have failed to understand the behavior and am so frustrated that I wish to avoid that little girl (I know it's stupid), as I am unable to cope with my boy's crying for 20-30 minutes after that girl leaves. I hope you would not find my question irrelevant and advice me on the issue.— Really in Need of Advice Mom in CA | | | ANSWER |
April 6, 2001 | | | Dear Really in Need of Advice Mom,
It seems like your son really likes this little girl (I assume they play happily together), and he hates to see her go. Even very young children can and do make strong emotional attachments to their playmates, as your question shows. Time goes very slowly for a young child, so an explanation like "You'll see her tomorrow" doesn't mean much when tomorrow seems like forever away.
Sometimes parents prolong their child's crying without meaning to by giving the child too much sympathetic attention and in effect rewarding the crying. While a little empathy is OK ("I know saying 'bye makes you feel sad"), a brisk attitude is probably best ("We've got things to do so let's go do them"). If you need to pick up your upset child and carry him off, try to smile and act calm. Nearly every parent of a young child has to do this from time to time.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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