Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
|
|
 Ask Dr. Needlman
Parents Have Different Views about Daughter Wearing Makeup | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have a daughter age eight, will not be nine until October. Her father has recently allowed her to wear makeup. I do not let her wear anything other than light lip gloss and nail polish because I do not want her to grow up any faster than she already is. If you have any research that would help me persuade him please help me.— Joyce in Michigan | | | ANSWER |
April 2, 2001 | | | Dear Joyce,
Probably the researcher most well known for work in this area is David Elkind, PhD. His classic book, The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast, Too Soon is available in bookstores and libraries. It's very readable and wise.
Of course, you don't need to read the book to follow your parenting instincts and common sense. Children are under a lot of pressure to grow up quickly these days. All around them they see images of young people dressed in seductive clothes, dancing in sexualized ways, and generally acting much older than they are. This pressure to grow up helps sell clothes and CDs, but it isn't good for children.
In my opinion, it's fine for girls to use makeup when they are playing. But their everyday, going-to-school look should be make-up free. I think girls are happier when these limits are firm, even though they may complain and insist "everyone is wearing makeup." Girls need to focus their energies on other things than looking "attractive" to boys.
The way you phrased your question makes me wonder whether you are divorced. Many non-custodial parents (usually fathers) set looser limits for their children than do the custodial parents (usually mothers). There are many reasons for this. The result, often enough, is a fight between the father and mother, with the child at its center.
In this context, I think it's important to say that the makeup issue is important enough for an open discussion between parents (and hopefully agreement to set limits), but I don't think it's important enough for a serious fight. If necessary, your daughter can live with two sets of rules: makeup with dad, no makeup with mom.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
|
