Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
How to Help an Overly Shy 13-Year-Old | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My 13-year-old son is shy, quiet, or just scared of others. He will walk into a room of peers and put his head down so he will hopefully not be noticed. I cannot remember him always being this way, but for the last three years he has been so quiet (nothing out of the ordinary has happened in that time). When around others he will not speak above a whisper. He plays sports and makes good grades. I know he is self-conscious about his weight; he is 5 feet, 7 inches tall, 165lbs, and wears a size 13 shoe. I try to tell him not to worry about his weight because soon he will grow into those feet and will be height/weight proportionate. I just want to know what I can do to help him out of his shell.— Kemah in Katy, Texas | | | ANSWER |
March 8, 2001 | | | Dear Kemah,
Without knowing a lot more about your son and talking face to face with him, I can't answer your question specifically. Certainly, 13 is an age when many boys feel uncomfortable in their bodies and awkward socially. If your son has at least one or two friends he feels comfortable and happy around and if he is not showing other signs of emotional stress, then you can reassure your son, just as you have done, that he will grow into his body in time. You don't need to do anything else about his shyness with groups. At 13, this is a problem he needs to learn to handle himself.
On the other hand, if your son doesn't have any friends, spends a lot of time feeling sad or irritable, or shows signs of excessive worry or perfectionism, you might talk with his doctor about a referral to a mental health professional. Adolescence is a time when depression and other psychiatric problems often hit.
Finally, about his size--on the growth charts, a 13-year-old who is 5 feet, 7 inches and 165 pounds is taller and heavier than 95 percent of his classmates. So, he stands out. This might explain why he feels very self-conscious (even more so than the typical 13-year-old.) I think you are right that time will take care of some of this, as several of his classmates are likely to catch up in the next few years.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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