Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Head Banging in Toddlers | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My very bright 18-month-old granddaughter bangs her head when she is stopped from doing something that is incorrect or dangerous to her. Ignoring this action hasn't worked. Parents and grandparents are worried that she'll really hurt herself. Help.— Grandmother in San Francisco | | | ANSWER |
March 15, 2001 | | | Dear Grandmother,
Children are tougher than we give them credit for. The likelihood of an otherwise healthy child really injuring herself by head banging during a tantrum is rather miniscule. I've never seen or heard of a case of severe injury, quite a few head-lumps, but no fractures, internal bleeding, or concussions.
Still, I completely understand why you are not comfortable ignoring your granddaughter's determined head banging. It looks like it must really hurt and sounds awful. You're probably too savvy to give in to your granddaughter's demands outright, in order to get her to stop head banging. But even if the banging doesn't work as blackmail, your worried and upset reaction lets your granddaughter know that she has the power to really capture your attention. This makes the head banging a nearly irresistable tool for your granddaughter to use.
Here's what you can do to take back the power: Respond calmly to the head banging. Although you can't completely ignore it, it doesn't do any good to get upset about it. Instead, in your most ho-hum voice let her know that she needs to stop banging her head, or you will have to pick her up and move her. (Toddlers have an amazing ability to hear, even during a tantrum.)
Tell her that once. Then, if she doesn't stop banging, simply scoop her up, and carry her to a carpet, rug, grass, or other soft surface. Lay her down, stand back a few feet, and busy yourself with something else (that is, withdraw your attention). Above all, stay calm. Once the banging no longer has the power to upset you, it becomes much less attractive to your granddaughter.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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