Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
|
|
 Ask Dr. Needlman
4½-Year-Old Calls Herself a "Girl-Boy" | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
I have 4½-year-old twin girls. One of my girls has labeled herself a "girl-boy." The other day she was telling me what was different between her sister and herself. My hair is different and I'm a girl-boy and she's a girl. Today she told me when she grows up she's going to have a penis like her brother. I told her she wouldn't and told her all the wonderful things about being a woman. I've made an effort not to stereotype. Could this indicate a tendency to be homosexual? I'm not feeling hysterical about this but am curious.— crazymamakc | | | ANSWER |
April 25, 2001 | | | Dear crazymamakc,
No, I don't think your daughter's ideas about sexuality have any bearing whatsoever on her ultimate sexual identity. At 4½, she's at an age when, in her mind, everything is possible. Why just be a girl, when you can be a girl-boy! The freedom to play and imagine all sorts of different possibilities is really a great gift of childhood. A young child who identifies herself as a "girl-boy" (or who identifies himself as a "boy-girl") is expressing a perfectly normal wish, and also a healthy acceptance of all aspects of her/his personality.
I think you handled the situation perfectly. As the adult, your job is to inject the voice of reality, without making your daughter feel bad in any way about her thoughts and wishes. You might say, in a casual tone of voice, "You wish you could be both, but everyone is either one or another, and you're a girl." Then leave it at that. For more on how children develop their sexual identities, look at the articles in the Sexuality section of our site.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
|
