Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Parents Disagree about Giving Young Teen Responsibility | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My wife thinks that it is too far for our son (my step son) to walk a half mile to the school bus stop in the mornings. He is 14 years old, and I think this is an acceptable distance. She also thinks that the kids shouldn't have to help do things around the house such as taking out the trash or helping keep the house picked up. She thinks that since I am home during the day and work nights that I should do it all and not have the kids help. Any advice that you could give would be appreciated.— Mar S. | | | ANSWER |
September 23, 2002 | | | Dear Mar S.,
In general, I think it's reasonable for a 14-year-old to walk a half mile to the school bus, assuming that the neighborhood is safe and that there's a sidewalk and safe cross-walks. Many children nowadays don't get enough exercise and as a result are overweight and sluggish during school. A brisk walk in the morning is probably a good thing, and it's good for children to be as self-reliant as they can be.
I also think that helping out around the house is beneficial. Children feel good about themselves when they know that they are contributing to their family's well-being. In past generations, children took a much more active role in the world of work, helping around the farm or working as apprentices or even in factories. While this wasn't always so great (farms and factories can be dangerous and too much work can rob a child of time to grow and develop other interests), some amount of meaningful work does give children a sense of pride.
These points are true in general, but I don't know if they are true for your particular child and your family. It's really up to you and your wife to decide how much walking and how much work to expect from your children. Stepparents are in a difficult position, as you know. This makes it even more important that you and your wife come to an agreement between yourselves, and then let your son know what you expect him to do. You need to speak with a unified voice. Your son needs to know that whatever you say has the full backing of his mother. That is the most important thing, more important than what it is you decide to ask your son to do.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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