Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Teaching a Child Right from Wrong | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
When does a child learn the difference between right and wrong?
— Jill in Plainville, MA | | | ANSWER |
February 20, 2001 | | | Dear Jill,
Thank you for this wonderful question. There are many different ways to answer it. In time, I hope that our website will have a whole section all about this topic. Here is a brief, very condensed overview:
Children develop a feeling for what is right and wrong before they can put that feeling into words. When children are loved well and treated fairly and kindly, they naturally develop empathy, which is the ability to care about how another person feels. Empathy is what makes the golden rule meaningful. In my mind, this is the foundation for all the moral development that follows.
Young children learn about what they should and shouldn't do by paying close attention to their parents' reactions. Usually, they try to please their parents, although other motives (such as willfulness or greed) also obviously play a role in their behavior.
As toddlers, children begin to learn about ownership--which is why they are always saying "mine!" As preschoolers, they can develop a basic sense of fairness: the idea that good things should be shared equally. Typically, they judge the wrongness of an action by its consequences, rather than the actor's intentions. Later, more sophisticated moral ideas develop, in keeping with the child's growing mental abilities.
Learning right from wrong is a process that takes a long time--perhaps a whole lifetime. While dealing with a young child's imperfect sense of right and wrong, it's important to be patient, and to keep the long-term goal in mind.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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