Dr. Robert Needlman
Specialist in pediatric behavior and development.
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 Ask Dr. Needlman
Living with a Controlling Three-Year-Old | | | QUESTION | | | Dear Dr. Needlman,
My three-year-old daughter can sometimes get extremely stubborn about things being done exactly the way she thinks or wants. This especially happens when she is tired, before bedtime. There are times that she cries incontrollably even when we try to oblige her. This is not too frequent, but she has always liked doing things in just such a way. She also likes only certain people to do or say certain things. It is not all the time, but happens enough to make my wife and me wonder if there is not something we should be doing differently. — Robert in Seattle, WA | | | ANSWER |
August 23, 2001 | | | Dear Robert,
While a few very laid-back and agreeable preschoolers are happy to go along with whatever their parents want, most young children want what they want, when they want it! A child who is temperamentally persistent, who also feels well loved and well listened to, might well develop an unpleasant habit of stubborness.
But this habit not only makes them less pleasant to be around, it also makes the children less happy. They spend a lot of time fussing and demanding, but aren't satisfied because what they want is the control, rather than the particular thing they are demanding.
The answer to this is for parents to assert control in all areas, except those that they intend their young children to be able to make choices about. Little children can make little choices.
Dr Spock has lots of words of wisdom for parents whose well-loved children are perhaps too powerful. You might want to read Firm but Friendly Discipline and With Discipline, Stick to Your Convictions in the discipline section of our site.— by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P. |
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